10 Tips for Black Men as Parents

Black men receive little information on what it takes to be a good parent.   Fathers and their children have special needs and they need special information about parenting that is unique to the circumstances they face.   Here are some tips:

1. Be there when your children are born.
2. Become financially literate.   Teach your children that honest pays and trying to beat the system doesn't.
3. Be selective about who meets your children.   You are responsible for protecting your children from abuse.
4. Love and discipline are both important.  Your need to set standards for how your children behave.
5. Introduce your children to the spiritual world.  A solid religious background can help them in the future.
6. Teach your children to be proud of being Black.  Make them aware of Black history.
7. Assume responsibility for your children's education.  Be there to help them with their homework if they need it.
8. Set academic standards before allowing your children to play sports.   And if they dream of being a professional athlete, insist that they have a Plan B.
9. Educate your children about racism.  Don't allow your children to blame every problem they have on racism, but make sure they know racism still exists.
10. Teach your children to respect adults.  Good manners can carry a person very fair in life.

As important as it is for you to be there for your children, it is equally important for you to know when to let go and allow your children to stand on their own two feet.

Father's Day is Every Day

Me, My Children and My Mom

I'm the father of three beautiful children. I've done my best ... but, Lord knows that I'm work in progress as a father. I created a Pinterest board called, 'Fatherhood Favorites'. Here are some of the things that I've learned over the years ... my personal 'call to action'!

1. Be a Father of Prayer. Your prayers help give direction to your children's lives. Prayer with your family is the greatest gift you can leave your children.
2. Be a Role Model to Your Children. You are being watched and studied by your children. Sons want to be just like their dad. Daughters want to marry a man just like their dad.
3. Be a Teacher. Dads don't the teaching to Moms. Be alert for every day examples you can use to teach your children the lessons of life. Check out Ephisians 6:4 for the source of this one.
4. Communicate to Your Children On All Levels, Not Just Correction. Talk to your children about everything. Be interested in their views, issues and ideas. If you do this when they are young, dialogue won't be so difficult when they are older.
5. Discipline and Correct With a Gentle Spirit. When you discipline your children be calm but firm. Proverbs 3:12 tells us, 'For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.'
6. Get Involved in the Lives of Your Children. Work with them on science projects, homework and other school activities. Pray together -- OFTEN!



My Dad and Me

7. Give Your Approval. Matthew 3:17 tells us, "And lo a voice from heaven, saying , This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." Fathers need to make sure that we acknowledge the accomplishments of our children. We must let them know that we are proud (and well pleased) of them.
8. Realize a Father's Work is Never Done. Hey Papa-Bear, your support will always play a vital role in your child's life ... no matter how old they are. Long after homework, ball games, and recitals are over, your children will still need your LOVE, support, guidance and encouragement.
9. Respect Your Children's Mother. As it says in Proverbs 31:28, "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."
10. Show Affection. As a child grows, so does his or her need for acceptance and a sense of belonging. Give a word of encouragement. Take every opportunity to say, 'I LOVE YOU'.
11. Spend Time With Your Children. Children realize they are valuable to their father when he is thoughtful and concerned about them as he is about his other interests.

Father's Day is Every Day!

Related articles

• The Essential Role of the Father
• Following my beacon.
• Eyes of a Father
• Proverbs
• President Obama Attempts to Revive Fatherhood Campaign with ThisIsFatherhood.com

Wordless Wednesday: Brothers, Handle Your Business

Pinterest: Fatherhood Favorites

Million Father March Endorsed by Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory

I am pleased to learn that Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory is calling on fathers to drop their children off at school on the first day as part of a nationwide initiative: the Million Father March. He has also asked elected officials to visit a local school on the morning of August 16th, which is the first day of classes for Cincinnati Public Schools. Mayor Mallory will be attending his alma mater, Woodward Career and Technical High School.

"This is a great way to get fathers involved in their child's education. There is a strong connection between attending school on the first day, active involvement by a father, and high student achievement. That is why I am asking all local fathers to participate by dropping their children off at school on the first day," Mayor Mark Mallory said.

The Million Father March was founded by the Black Star Project, a Chicago nonprofit organization. Ten Chicago fathers organized the first March in 1996, and it has grown to a nationwide initiative. Last year, 800,000 men in 500 cities nationwide participated in the Million Father March by dropping their children off at school on the first day. This year the Million Father March predicts that 1,000,000 fathers will participate.

Mayor Mallory hopes that Cincinnati will help The Million Father March reach their national 1,000,000 father goal. All local fathers, mentors, brothers, uncles, and any important figures in a child's life are encouraged to be a part of this initiative by dropping their children off at school on the first day.

I hope that all villagers with children still in public schools will participate in this effort regardless of where you might live. What say u?

Call For Papers: International Men's Day

Over 50 nations throughout our global village will observe International Men’s Day under the theme “Giving Boys The Best Possible Start In Life” on Saturday, November 19, 2011.

Created in 1999 by Dr. Jerome Teelucksingh, a faculty member in the History Department at the University of West Indies in Trinidad and Tobago, International Men’s Day celebrates and honors the sacrifices that men make to our families, communities, and our world. International Men’s Day shares a 48-hour partnership with Universal Children’s Day which is observed worldwide on 20 November of each year and is endorsed by the United Nations.

To commemorate 2011 International Men’s Day, In Search of Fatherhood has issued a CALL FOR PAPERS and welcomes submissions from educators, CEOs, legislators, legal professionals, law enforcement professionals, Fatherhood and Men’s Issues Practitioners and Advocates, health care professionals and providers, social entrepreneurs, religious leaders, social services professionals and providers, journalists, family and marriage therapists, members of the judiciary, and students which, among other things, design new initiatives or identify existing initiatives which provide a blueprint for how we can give “Boys The Best Possible Start In Life” throughout our global village.

The initiatives should address one of the following five challenges which have been identified as areas that are problematic for boys and young males throughout our global village:

1. EDUCATIONAL FOCUS: Why are boys in richer countries underperforming girls and also less likely to be in education, and why are tens of millions of boys in poorer countries still not completing a primary education? How can we address truancy, and poor literacy rates which leave boys prone to adult unemployment, substance abuse, obesity, depression, and poverty? What action can we take to focus on boys’ education in way that gives them the best possible start in life and closes the gaps between girls and boys and rich boys and poor boys?
2. HEALTH AND LIFE EXPECTANCY: Why are boys around the world more likely to die before the age of five and why do boys in every continent look forward to a much shorter life than girls? What are the reasons for boy’s higher likelihood of suicide? What action can we take to give boys the best possible start in life and help them live longer, happier, healthier lives?
3. REAL LIFE CHOICES: How can we make sure that every boy has opportunities to make a range of positive life choices in terms of work, family and leisure and reduce the number of boys whose life choices are limited and end up poor, illiterate, unemployed, homeless, imprisoned and isolated? What action can we make to help every boy get the best possible start in life and make a positive transition form boy to man that makes the world a better place for everyone? 
4. RIGHTS TO FATHERHOOD: How can we give boys a right to family life that gives them an equal opportunity to know and experience both their father and mother and ensure that their role as a future father is equal to a girls role as future mother. What actions can we take to give every boy an equal right to fatherhood?
5. TOLERANCE OF VIOLENCE: Why are we so tolerant of violence and abuse against men and boys and why do we still tolerate a world where we send boys to fight the wars among adults? What actions can we take to help boys’ grow up free from violence and challenge our collective tolerance and support of violence against men and boys?

Submissions should be sent via e-mail to D.A. Sears, Managing Editor – IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD.  Inquiries can be made by telephone at (267) 581-3963.

How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?

A movie that I watched ended with this monologue from the lead character.   It hit a chord with me for a number of reasons ... none of which have to do with my father ... most of which have to do with my imperfections as a father.

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How do we forgive our fathers?
Maybe in a dream?

Do we forgive our fathers for leaving us too often,
or forever, when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage,
or making us nervous, because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our fathers for marrying ... or not marrying ... our mothers,
or divorcing ... or not divorcing ... our mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth, or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning?

For shutting doors?
or speaking through walls?
or never speaking?
or never being silent?

Do we forgive our fathers in our age?
or in theirs?
or in their deaths, saying it to them?
or not saying it?

If we forgive our fathers, what is left?

I learned afterwards that this poem was adapted from a Dick Laurie poem.

Do Children Really Need Fathers?

I went to college in Riverside CA. I never thought of it as a center of Black political activism at the time. So imagine my surprise to learn that a group of African American men have been hitting the streets looking for positive and proactive ways to improve our community. One of their projects is the annual Million Father March:

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MILLION FATHER MARCH
Don't Blame It On The Alcohol

When it comes to the lack of paternal involvement, who should we blame?

I say, "Don't blame it on the schools, prisons or alcohol." But, rather place the blame right where it fits. Squarely on the shoulders of fathers.

As the Million Father March gets underway across America, I am confident there will be excuses. Some will say, "I have other commitments." While, others will claim "I'm doing my part as a father so I don't need to go." And, then there are those who will dodge the invitation all together. To the former I say, "Understandbly so, however, tell ten and let them tell ten." To those involved I say, "If you're doing your part, then come share with those that need to know what you know - if not you, who?" And, to the latter I say and pray, "Read on, there is hope for you."

Like I said, "Don't blame it on the schools, prisons or alcohol." When a child is let loose on the streets, confused with anger and kills the innocent, who is to blame? When a child fails in school because no one feels the need to help, who is to blame? When a child runs away to escape the hurt and pain at home, who is to blame?

Fatherhood Is NOT a Coward's Business!
It is the business of handling one's business. It is about taking time out to know your child(ren) when they don't know themselves. It's about poppin' that colla' and saying "I got this" and getting to the streets to do whatever it takes (legally) to provide for your child. It's about saying "My child is the most important headline of my day" and sharing that news with others.

So I say, "Don't blame it on the schools, prisons or alcohol." You either got game, or you don't! And, if you do, bring it to the march. And, if you don't, bring it to the march. Because, either way we got something for you.

When the day is done and the march has gone, ask yourself, "Will my legacy live on?" Will I have stood shoulder to shoulder with other fathers who fought to put purpose in their seeds. Or, will I make excuses, coward down and blame society for what she did to me. Now, that I laid pipe, hyped, no gripe off the chain wild, guess it's time to turn over the reins and let another man raise my child.

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Villagers, what say u?

Barack Obama Named 'Father of the Year'

Did you see where Barack Obama was named 'Father of the Year' by the Fatherhood Educational Institute (FEI)? FEI educates the public on the importance of patriarchal involvement in children's lives.

The group is based in Chicago. They have some strong programs to help fathers that are poor or incarcerated.

Barack Obama said, "I think we got to do a real good job trying to reintroduce males who have been involved in the criminal justice system as ex-offenders -- giving them the opportunity so that they are able to support their families, find work, get on the right path -- but ultimately there's a lot of personal responsibility that's involved in this. And one of the things I want to do as president is to use the bully pulpit to say to men, You have to get involved in your child's life. It will make a difference not only in their lives but in yours."

Fatherhood issues need to be addressed by all races and cultures. However, there is no question that Obama serves as a powerful role model for African American fathers. At the end of the day it is up to each of us to take personal responsibility to do the right thing. It will be nice to see a positive and powerful Blackman who does right by his children.

Every Day is Father's Day

Drumbeats from Springer's Journal pointed us to this video that honors fatherhood.






I am working hard to be the best father that I can be for my three young 'uns. Last month I shared with you a pledge for fathers. My father passed last year. My prayer is that he will continue to look down on me and be pleased with what he sees.

Many villagers do the right thing without comment or recognition. Some of us need to be reminded of life's priorities. We get our minds turned in many different directions and sometimes just need to be reminded about the importance of fatherhood.

Every day is father's day!